HEART WIDE OPEN

Basically, I spent four years and thousands of dollars to walk across a stage wearing a cardboard hat.

I am still a happy graduate!

Here’s my dilemma:

I have a friend, whom I was becoming quite close to, that wronged me. Without giving out too many details, I would like to clarify that this is more than a small quarrel or petty misunderstanding. The entire situation has left me pretty hurt.

Initially, I was just mad. I cut off all contact, ranted to (mostly neutral, third party) friends, and concluded that it was a toxic friendship from the beginning.

Over the last couple of days, I’ve started to feel the pain of it all. Arguments are never simple. Dealing with conflict does not come easily to me, so the stress of losing a friend and taking on all of these emotions is really becoming too much to handle.

My instinct is encouraging me to reach out and just talk things through. However, a majority of my close friends that I have consulted are entirely against me having any type of contact with this person again.

I am just torn. There is no trust left in this friendship. In fact, a friendship doesn’t even seem possible anymore. Still, I feel that this situations deserves some type of resolve.

At this point, my only desire is to find some peace.

What are your thoughts?

This week has been full of emotions, to say the least.

I have both found and lost someone that I thought would remain constant in my life. I have regained so much happiness that has been lacking, only to watch it disappear instantaneously. So many lessons learned, yet so much heartache to work through. Is it all worth it?

I started a post earlier in the week about the true difference in right and wrong, which was inspired by a friend who I believed to be a good person in a bad situation. Throughout the course of this week, I’ve realized that perhaps he was simply an awful person in an equally awful situation.

Now I’m left sifting through this constant rush of emotions. Somehow, I’ve become numb. Cutting people out of my life is not something that comes easily to me. Quick to forgive and naive at best. I never wanted things to end like this. In fact, I never wanted things to end at all. However, arrogant aggressiveness is not an attractive quality and I will not be treated as a disposable friend.

Everyone I know goes away in the end.